Friday, July 16, 2010

A Sudden Realization

I do believe that in every goodness of a person, there is something bad or evil in him. Seriously, we are bad in nature and that's A FACT even if you deny it. At first, I was in denial, but there came a point which I learned to embrace those flaws, those failures--I just had a sudden realization.

This week is what I consider as my "conscientious week" or "the week of enlightenment" because of the realizations that I just had.


For the past couple of years, I lived with the notion that I looked really ugly because of the celebrities I see in TV. They had actually emphasized my flaws, which made me more insecure of the beautiful people I encounter everyday. That's why I started questioning myself, why don't I have that chiseled nose, perfectly white teeth, and a nice lean lips? WHY OH WHY?! I know I've been watching too much TV which made me conceptualize the idea of hyperreality in my mind. Because of that influence, my mindset was like "I will definitely undergo plastic surgery in the future because I want to have a perfect looking face just like the people I see in TV." I've been telling it to my friends, however they always contradict that belief of mine.

I've been making a study of how it is done--if it hurts, fatal, or whatsoever. I've been inspiring myself of the many Korean celebrities who undergo plastic surgery in order to look perfect in the eyes of the society. I even thought of having it done in Korea so I'd look like one of them. I've been so obsessed of how I really wanted to look like.

One Monday dusk, I tried looking in the mirror and talked to myself of things that I really wanted to happen. I tried asking myself, "why do you always compare yourself to others?" I tried assessing myself by negating my present belief. And from that question, I started realizing that I'm such a low life creep. I told myself, "why not challenge yourself and prove that success doesn't depend on how people looks like," right? It's like looking into the bright side.

Come to think of it, instead of comparing myself to others, why not appreciate what my capabilities are, and the things that I have that others don't? It's just like reversing my perspective. I may not be physically favorable in the industry that I chose, but I do know for sure that my personality, wit, and enthusiasm would definitely compensate that flaw (if it is considered as one). And from that realization, I started appreciating what I have and accepted what the reality wants for me.


I've been a blabbermouth. I've been talking too much that could offend the people around me. I thought of that because of an incident which happened yesterday (Friday) on my way back home. And I felt really guilty.

I always go home together with a friend. And we always talk of things--sensible, nonsense, hilarious, and anything under the sun. I do the talking and blabbing most of the time, and sometimes, my mouth was like a vehicle with no brakes--UNCONTROLLABLE. Some people may praise me for that, but some also are annoyed and even offended. The thing is, whenever I start to talk, it flows spontaneously to the extent that it's hard for me to stop. It's inevitable! Anyway, why am I digressing to my story?!

...So on my way home, my friend and I rode a jeepney, and all of a sudden, this old lady with injured arm boarded in the jeepney. She reached paid her fare saying "Manong bayad ho, Buendia lang" She actually pronounced the "Buendia" as "Bwen-ja," which, of course, got my attention, and started to give comment to my friend like the lady wasn't there. I told my friend, "why are some people mispronouncing 'Buendia?' Can't they pronounce it as 'Buwen-dee-yah?'" I didn't realize that the lade heard me. The old lady told me "Sorry ha. 'Buwen-dee-yah!'" and I quickly told the lady, "No. I was actually pertaining to her (my friend) father." Like what the heck?! What a lame excuse for a very obvious situation.

Honestly I felt really guilty. That incident made me realize of how insensitive I am to my surrounding, and that talking about or pointing out people's little mistakes is no good. And that "controlling one's self" should be my new virtue (Whaaat??!).

ME AND MY BIG (literally? LOL!) & STUPID MOUTH!!! The next time I'll talk (or should I say blab) again, I'll just say to myself: "Shut Up, Carl! And zip your lips!" >:-O

No comments:

Post a Comment