A BUM's Life

Yes, I have been unemployed or should we say 'BUM' ever since I graduated from college. But it doesn't mean that society should look down on me for being such.

So I felt the urge of sharing to everyone, especially to those who are yet to graduate, a glimpse of what is like to be a bum--is it really that a bad thing?

It's been four months now since I've stayed at home (as a bum) because I don't have a job yet. Is it a choice? Maybe. I always know what I wanted in life: to be a cabin crew. It may sound simple to some (or many) people, but that's not always the case. To become one means "to go through the eye of a needle". It's not easy, unless you are born SUPERFICIAL combined with INTELLIGENCE. And apparently I'm not a superficial being. But still my heart tells me to pursue it no matter what it takes because it is what will make me happy. That's why I decided to take some rest (for some months until I'm 21) to prepare...a lot. Besides, I can never go to a battle without bullets for my gun, and an armor for my body.

So for me, being bum means 'preparing oneself'. I'm a kind of person who doesn't rush because I'm being pressured by society, society that dictates "you should have a decent job right after graduation because you were one of the top students, and if you don't, I'll look down on you. Wahahaha!" (crazy dramatization). Also, I have this idea that when I start working, I might not be able to do the things I wanted to do because of my commitments.

So what have I been doing, eh?

I've been doing the things I love like watching anime/K-series and movies all day, reading novels (in order to sharpen my depleting brain cells), going out with my family and friends, surfing the net like there's no tomorrow, and blogging my heart's content (like what I'm doing right now). Typical bum, hehe!

Then how am I preparing?

My main concern would be my physique. Since my body type is ectomporph, it is very hard for me to gain weight and mass. That's why I decided to consult a fitness trainer to help me work on it. With the right nutrition and an active lifestyle, in some months I'll have a more proportional body and an increase in weight. Yep, I've been building muscles and strength for some months now. I've also engaged myself into swimming because it's definitely an overall body workout, plus it is an advantage in becoming a cabin crew. I'm also learning the right nutrition for me. From 115 lbs, I'm currently 120 lbs (and going!). Apart from improving my physique, I also underwent basic life support and first aid training a month ago under Red Cross for me to be equipped with the knowledge of saving people in the most basic way.

Am I not pressured that most of my peers are already working?

I'd be lying if I say that there's no pressure in my part. Sometimes I feel envy that some of them are happily working. I'm also worried of what my professor told us before that not because he/she was the top student of the batch, he/she becomes the most successful of them all--that's not always the case. Scary, right? But still at the back of my mind, there's a voice telling me not to be affected by those things because it will just pull me down, instead focus on what I think is right and I should be doing right now. As the old Irish proverb says, "It takes time to build a castle".

Then I realized that being bum isn't bad at all. It makes you cherish the simple things in life because you don't worry about going to work the next day. In addition to that, being bum gears toward more realizations which can actually lead to self-actualization. (I'm an optimist, you know! Hehe!)

Too prepared before having a job? Maybe. ;-)

Hit "THUMBS UP!" button below if you like this blog post. ;-)

Loving the Imperfect Side of Me: A New Year's Resolution.

For the past 5 years, I've always believed in the wrong notion of beauty. And for that 5 years, I've been so eager to undergo plastic surgery because I wanted to look perfectly handsome and the people around me can attest to that.

I've always been desiring for a chiseled-like nose, a lean lips, a model-like body, a tall height, a luminous skin, and a Hollywood actor-like smile because mine contradicts the notion of beauty I've believed in. Until I found out (from self-diagnosing myself and doing a little research) that I was suffering from Body Dysmorphic Disorder (or BDD).

BDD is an excessive preoccupation with a real or imagined defect in one's physical appearance. Frequently, the affected person feels ugly or disfigured when all she's worried about is a blemish or a crooked smile. The problem is the negative thinking about a perceived physical defect.

--Manila Bulletin (Aug. 10, 2008)

It's hard to be in this condition because it always gives me depression whenever I see tall and good-looking people. It just makes me want to kill myself for being vertically and aesthetically challenged.

We may not notice it, but it is the nature of people to compare a lot (and to be mean). At first glance, people will judge you of how you look. If you don't pass to their standard of beauty, you won't exist in their world. Or if they think that you are really hideous-looking, they will perceive you as a nightmare in their "so perfect world" despite of how good, intelligent, and kind you are. Life is really harsh, isn't it? Especially for those who are, unfortunately, ugly. Am I right or am I definitely right?

I've had this so called "spotlight effect" ever since I discovered people being so judgemental when it comes to a person's appearance. I've always been so conscious of how I look like--is my hair in place, is my face oily, is my posture okay, do I wear the right clothes, do I look pleasant, and many things. Whenever I'm in school or any public place, I always feel like there could be one of them watching me and judging my appearance, then I'd think "What could she/he be thinking about me?" And eventually, I get paranoid.

Living like that is like making your own life a living hell. Many times I felt so depressed, angry, and frustrated of how I look. Sometimes I even question God--why am I not tall, why am I ugly, and all that. Until I just woke up one day after hearing an inspirational quote from a supermodel turned host, Tyra Banks:

"Perfect is Boring. Human is Beautiful."

Tyra Banks without make-up, yet her beauty emanates from inside.

Those words reverberated not only in my mind, but also in my heart and soul. It is simple, yet meaningful. It made me realize that Hey! I'm no commodity, I'm no mannequin, I'm a human. Tyra definitely inspired me through her words, and her commitment and determination in changing the perspective and the meaning of "Human being Beautiful." I'm definitely supporting such advocacy.

Because of that, I now feel uniquely handsome. I started to be confident of how I look like. I became happier. I became more optimistic and started appreciating the bright-side of this world. And most importantly, I'm now proud to say I'm perfectly imperfect, and I'm definitely a beautiful creation of God--a Human.

I know that many people understands and can relate with my experiences because it is a world-wide phenomenon, and I can definitely attest to that. But come to think of it, it seems that we are trying to live in their world, where we always try to fit in. Why not shift our mindset and let's live in a world of our own? Let's recreate a new notion of beauty, and make our imperfection a perfect one. Let's be proud of what we are and be the real epitome of beauty.

So what if they say that I have a big head, big nose, pouty lips, and short? It what makes me unique. It what makes me a "Carl Ernest Ruiz" of my family and friends.

Now that's my New Year's Resolution--loving the imperfect side of me. And I'm proud to say that I'm changing--changing for the betterment of myself.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!

Image got from:

• http://cdn.hellobeautiful.com/files/2009/09/tyra-banks-real-hair.jpg

A Sudden Realization

I do believe that in every goodness of a person, there is something bad or evil in him. Seriously, we are bad in nature and that's A FACT even if you deny it. At first, I was in denial, but there came a point which I learned to embrace those flaws, those failures--I just had a sudden realization.

This week is what I consider as my "conscientious week" or "the week of enlightenment" because of the realizations that I just had.

FIRST REALIZATION

For the past couple of years, I lived with the notion that I looked really ugly because of the celebrities I see in TV. They had actually emphasized my flaws, which made me more insecure of the beautiful people I encounter everyday. That's why I started questioning myself, why don't I have that chiseled nose, perfectly white teeth, and a nice lean lips? WHY OH WHY?! I know I've been watching too much TV which made me conceptualize the idea of hyperreality in my mind. Because of that influence, my mindset was like "I will definitely undergo plastic surgery in the future because I want to have a perfect looking face just like the people I see in TV." I've been telling it to my friends, however they always contradict that belief of mine.

I've been making a study of how it is done--if it hurts, fatal, or whatsoever. I've been inspiring myself of the many Korean celebrities who undergo plastic surgery in order to look perfect in the eyes of the society. I even thought of having it done in Korea so I'd look like one of them. I've been so obsessed of how I really wanted to look like.

One Monday dusk, I tried looking in the mirror and talked to myself of things that I really wanted to happen. I tried asking myself, "why do you always compare yourself to others?" I tried assessing myself by negating my present belief. And from that question, I started realizing that I'm such a low life creep. I told myself, "why not challenge yourself and prove that success doesn't depend on how people looks like," right? It's like looking into the bright side.

Come to think of it, instead of comparing myself to others, why not appreciate what my capabilities are, and the things that I have that others don't? It's just like reversing my perspective. I may not be physically favorable in the industry that I chose, but I do know for sure that my personality, wit, and enthusiasm would definitely compensate that flaw (if it is considered as one). And from that realization, I started appreciating what I have and accepted what the reality wants for me.

SECOND REALIZATION

I've been a blabbermouth. I've been talking too much that could offend the people around me. I thought of that because of an incident which happened yesterday (Friday) on my way back home. And I felt really guilty.

I always go home together with a friend. And we always talk of things--sensible, nonsense, hilarious, and anything under the sun. I do the talking and blabbing most of the time, and sometimes, my mouth was like a vehicle with no brakes--UNCONTROLLABLE. Some people may praise me for that, but some also are annoyed and even offended. The thing is, whenever I start to talk, it flows spontaneously to the extent that it's hard for me to stop. It's inevitable! Anyway, why am I digressing to my story?!

...So on my way home, my friend and I rode a jeepney, and all of a sudden, this old lady with injured arm boarded in the jeepney. She reached paid her fare saying "Manong bayad ho, Buendia lang" She actually pronounced the "Buendia" as "Bwen-ja," which, of course, got my attention, and started to give comment to my friend like the lady wasn't there. I told my friend, "why are some people mispronouncing 'Buendia?' Can't they pronounce it as 'Buwen-dee-yah?'" I didn't realize that the lade heard me. The old lady told me "Sorry ha. 'Buwen-dee-yah!'" and I quickly told the lady, "No. I was actually pertaining to her (my friend) father." Like what the heck?! What a lame excuse for a very obvious situation.

Honestly I felt really guilty. That incident made me realize of how insensitive I am to my surrounding, and that talking about or pointing out people's little mistakes is no good. And that "controlling one's self" should be my new virtue (Whaaat??!).

ME AND MY BIG (literally? LOL!) & STUPID MOUTH!!! The next time I'll talk (or should I say blab) again, I'll just say to myself: "Shut Up, Carl! And zip your lips!" >:-O